Does He Still Love Me?
by Frankenstein-Drag-Queen
Summary: Jesse James is missing his lover Billy Gunn and turns on the TV to see him but is shocked when he see what is happening!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Does He Still Love Me?  
Author: Kristina Q.  
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, but if they did, I sure as hell wouldn't complain giggles  
Warning: This fic contains profanity and slash.  
Distribution: Anywhere you want as long as you ask me.  
Couple: Jesse James/Billy Gunn.  
Rating: PG-13.  
Spoiler: 31st July 2003.  
Notes: Special thanks to Slashlover of for helping me getting inspiration for this fic.  
  
Jesse came in the door. He had just been at an NWA:TNA show, and it was late, so he was a little exhausted. He closed the door behind him and took off his jacket and dropped it on the floor accompanied with his duffel bag.  
  
He was glad he was finally home again. Billy was supposed to have called this morning, but he hadn't called when Jesse left. He must have called now. He went into the living room to the phone and pressed a button on it.  
  
A frown appeared on his face when he realized that he had received no new voice messages. Not even from Billy. But he had promised to call today. Jesse had been looking forward to hear Billy's voice. Been expecting to hear the only voice that could drive him wild! But there was nothing.  
  
Jesse couldn't help but feel unbelievably disappointed. He was wondering why Billy hadn't called him. He had promised to!  
  
Jesse hadn't seen Billy for weeks. He was missing him terribly. Before he was fired from the WWE, he and Billy had been together almost every single day. Ever since the day he was fired he had felt as if their relationship was beginning to fall apart.  
  
They were still a couple. Lovers. Well sort of. Jesse still loved Billy and he was sure that Billy loved him in return, but these past couple of months had been torturing. Weeks had passed by between the times they were together.  
  
And now that bitch, Torrie Wilson, was accompanying Billy. Billy had assured him that there was nothing between him and Torrie. They were only friends, but Jesse was not so sure any longer.  
  
"Relax... Why would he be fooling around with her...? Look at her! With her fake boobs and all that. Plus she's seeing Kidman for fucks sake!" Jesse told himself trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong.  
  
Billy loved him. He should know that by now. They had been together for the past six years. And they had even managed to keep it as a secret. No one knew about them. Except for Hunter and Sean of course, but they had promised never to tell anyone about them, and he trusted them.  
  
Jesse sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote for the television and turned it on. SmackDown! was on tonight. The show had already begun, but he wanted to watch the last part of it anyway.  
  
Hoping to get a glimpse of Billy. If he couldn't be with him then he would have to settle with watching him on TV.  
  
In last weeks episode of SmackDown! Billy had lost a match against Jamie Noble. Noble, that stupid little fucker, with his ugly girl Nidia. God, she was bigger than Noble was!  
  
Fuck them. Billy could easily have won the match. Why he didn't was a question Jesse was unable to answer.  
  
Noble won the right to sleep with Torrie. Jesse was desperately hoping that it would mean the end of Billy and Torrie. Jesse couldn't help but feel terribly jealous. It should be him all over Billy, groping his hot ass. Not Torrie!  
  
He sat back in the couch watching the screen eagerly waiting to see Billy, still holding the remote in his hand.  
  
"What the fuck...?" But when Billy was shown on the screen Jesse was more surprised than he was happy. Billy was lying in a bed! Naked! Together with Torrie Wilson, Jamie Noble and Nidia!  
  
Jesse shook on his head as his jaw dropped. It couldn't be true. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. Had his beloved Billy cheated on him? The man he loved the most on this planet? The only man who had ever loved him?  
  
Jesse could feel his breathing become heavier. Tears pricked in his eyes. He closed his eyes and hoped for it all to go away. He opened his eyes again, but it was still there. A stray tear escaped from his eye and slowly trickled down his rosy cheek. He raised his hand and angrily wiped it away.  
  
His grip around the remote tightened and he cautiously moved his thumb over the black plastic to the off button and pushed it down.  
  
For a brief moment the entire world seemed as it was frozen. Time stood still. Nothing moved. Even Jesse was not moving. Not breathing. The only sign of him still being alive was his heart that was beating deep in his chest.  
  
He clenched his free hand. And suddenly, out of the blue, he threw the remote against the wall with all the strength he had. A loud crashing noise traveled through the silenced room as the remote shattered against the wall and fell to the floor.  
  
Falling to his knees as he buried his face in his hands, Jesse was crying and sobbing uncontrollably. That bastard! Fucking bastard! Billy had been sleeping with all three of them.  
  
Little droplets of tears soaked the carpeted floor underneath him as they fell from his reddened eyes. His breathing had become hiccupping.  
  
The phone rang abruptly, but Jesse didn't seem to react even though he had heard it. He was still crying, but his sobs were beginning to die out.  
  
Another rang, and Jesse now gazed up at the phone. Another tear trickled from his eye.  
  
One more time the phone rang and this time the answering machine answered the call.  
  
"Hi Jesse. It's me Billy. I am coming by this Thursday. I hope it's alright with you. It's the only day I've got off, so I hope you'll be home. I really miss you. I am sorry for not calling you earlier, but I've just been so busy with SmackDown! and all that. Anyway... I love you and I can't wait to see you again! Bye..."  
  
Jesse had stopped crying now. He was no longer sad. He was angry. Thursday. Two days until Thursday. Would he be able to look into Billy's bright eyes without breaking down and cry?  
  
Jesse's heart was racing. Guess there was only one way to find out. Wait until Thursday. If he could survive the waiting...  
  
The End ####### 


	2. Heartache

Title: Heartache. (sequel for Does He Still Love Me.  
Author: Kristina Q.  
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, but if they did, I sure as hell wouldn't complain giggles  
Warning: This fic contains profanity, angst, smale/male slash situations and attempted suicide.  
Distribution: Anywhere you want as long as you ask me.  
Couple: Jesse James/Billy Gunn.  
Rating: PG-13.  
  
It was Thursday morning. Jesse had been out of his mind ever since he saw Billy in that bed on the TV. He had drained his brain trying to figure out what to do. How many times he had cried at night was unknown to him.  
  
Somehow Jesse was relieved that it was finally time Thursday and time to confront Billy, because these past few days had been killing him physically and emotionally. Billy had reached into his chest and ripped out his heart!  
  
Glancing at the blank white ceiling, Jesse could feel the tears prick in his eyes. Damn Billy! Why did he do these things to him?  
  
Jesse closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his waist, as a stray tear escaped from his eye and slowly trickled down his reddened cheek. He chuckled as he tried to control his emotions. He didn't want to cry again.  
  
Opening his eyes as a long shuddering sigh slipped past his dry lips, he cautiously rose from his bed. Today he had no time for tears. Not before Billy would come! Jesse was afraid that he would break down completely as soon as he was facing Billy.  
  
Love. This indescribable feeling that could cause the skin on your entire body to tingle. Make you tremble in pleasure. Joy streaming through your veins making every single nerve sing. Every warm touch was like fire on your flesh. Every breath sent shivers down the spine.  
  
Within a split second all these overwhelming and astonishing feelings had been bent over and fucked! Used and left bleeding like a fucking whore! That was exactly how Jesse was feeling right now.  
  
Heartache. Tearing his soul apart. Peeling his skin off to expose his vulnerable raw flesh only to be ripped off his bones. Left to die and fade away.  
  
This pain was so unbearable. Piercing through what was left of his heart.  
  
Slowly Jesse staggered into the bathroom. Glaring at himself in the mirror, he wondered why Billy had chosen him anyway. Billy was so gorgeous! He could get anyone he wanted no matter who it was. Why would he choose a mutt like Jesse?  
  
Jesse turned away from the reflection in the mirror and turned on the water in the shower stall before he took off his boxers, exposing his pale naked form.  
  
He cautiously stepped into the pouring water. The warm droplets gracing his exposed skin felt good. Almost too good to be true. Jesse must have been more miserable than he thought he was.  
  
He didn't want to face Billy. Not today. Not ever. He wouldn't be able to cope with his emotions! He couldn't take any more pain. It was already tearing him apart. More pain would only kill him! And he didn't want to die in front of Billy... then he'd rather die right now!  
  
Jesse should have known that Billy eventually would have found someone else. It was only a matter of time before it would happen.  
  
Billy was the only thing Jesse had ever wanted. He had never felt this way towards another person before. Feeling Billy's lips on his was like being resurrected. Brought back to life just so he could rest safely in his strong arms.  
  
It had all just been an illusion. A dream that was only meant to develop into a nightmare. A mistake. The worst he had ever done. Six years ago he had told himself that this relationship could never work. All odds had been against them and had now finally succeeded to destroy their relationship.  
  
The water droplets still hitting his skin was beginning to coolen and created goosebumps everywhere they touched him. A sudden shiver shot through his body and he decided to turn off the water.  
  
He stepped out of the shower, his body quivering lightly as he reached out and grabbed a white towel. He slowly began wiping his soaked flesh. Once again he glanced into the mirror. He looked so pathetic! He was disgusted with what he saw. A stupid loser who nobody loved. He had let down his family. Billy. Himself.  
  
A sudden pain spread through his knuckles and fingers on his right hand when it was connected hard against the reflection of the mirror.  
  
Staring at the spider web pattern decorating the mirror, he could feel the blood drip from the newly created wounds on his hand.  
  
The pain in his fist and in his heart combined caused a single tear to travel down his flushed cheek and splash onto the floor soon accompanied by a droplet of his blood.  
  
Jesse ignored the pain in his hand and left the bathroom. He found a new pair of boxers and put them on. A fresh wave of pain shot through his hand causing him to grit his teeth and wince against the pain.  
  
Looking at his bloodstained fist, Jesse chuckled as he clutched his injured hand tightly to his chest and sank down to sit on the floor, his back resting against the bathroom door.  
  
Jesse was now unable to hold back his tears anymore and he began to cry. He couldn't take it anymore! He just wanted to die...  
  
Slowly Jesse raised his head and gazed at one of the drawers not far from where he was currently sitting. With no further hesitation he crawled towards it to open the drawer and fumbled for a few seconds, finally finding what he was searching for. He pulled out a shiny silver object. A gun.  
  
For a brief moment Jesse did nothing except for glaring at the gun. Its surface was shiny and glittered as he shifted it in his left hand.  
  
Sniffling as he carefully licked his dry lips, moistening them, he caressed the shiny surface of the gun with his thumb. For a brief moment Jesse considered whether or not he should shoot Billy and then himself or if he should just end his own pathetic life right there and then.  
  
Both things sounded very tempting, but he concluded that he couldn't face Billy. He was too frightened of being rejected. He didn't want to be rejected by the one and only person he had ever loved this much in his entire life.  
  
He'd rather skip anymore of this unbearable heartache and put a bullet through his temple. End it quickly and painless. The heartache would last forever. The pain from the bullet would only hurt for less than a split second.  
  
A long sigh escaped from Jesse's lips, he closed his eyes and raised the gun to his temple. "It'll be okay..." he whispered to himself with soothing words before he loaded the gun.  
  
He tightened his grip around the gun and began to cautiously put pressure on the trigger. He chuckled and let out another sigh.  
  
"Jesse...?" his eyes flashed open when he recognized the voice from behind him. It was Billy! "Jesse don't do it, please," his voice was shaky and pleading. A sudden shiver went through Jesse's body. A tear ran down his cheekbone.  
  
Billy was here. What was going to happen now? Why didn't he want Jesse to shoot himself? Why did he even care? He had probably only shown up today to tell him that their relationship was over.  
  
"Jess? Please...?" listening to Billy's voice was painfully hard. "Billy... please just leave..." Jesse whispered and slowly began to turn around.  
  
The look on Billy's face was terribly frightened. It made Jesse insecure. Should he kill himself? Was it really necessary?  
  
"Jesse please don't do this to yourself or to me. I'm not gonna leave you! I love you... Why are you doing this?" Jesse chuckled at this. How could Billy love him after what he had just done to him a couple of days ago?  
  
"You don't love me anymore..." the tears trickled down his flushed cheeks when he forced the sentence out. His hands were trembling. "Jess... I love you more than anything in the world! Please don't... don't shoot yourself" "How can you love me after what you've done to me?" Jesse nearly screamed out, his tears dripping from his chin.  
  
"What did I do? Jesse I'd never hurt you on purpose!" Billy was on the verge of crying and Jesse could sense it and it tore his skin apart. Jesse was now sobbing uncontrollably and he sank to the floor and dropped the gun in front of him.  
  
Billy quickly kicked the gun away from Jesse and kneeled down next to Jesse and embraced him. Billy's arms felt incredible good around his body. Holding him tight and secure. "You - you slept with them... Torrie and... and Jamie and Nidia..." Jesse could barely say the words.  
  
"Oh, Jesse... Is that it? I'm sorry, I should have told you. I haven't slept with them," he whispered soothingly as he held Jesse even tighter than before, "But I saw you on SmackDown!" "It was a part of the show... I love you. I could never do that to you," Jesse could feel Billy's tears moistening his hand. The salty droplets stinging in his cuts on his knuckles.  
  
Jesse whimpered when he finally realized how much his hand was hurting. When he finally realized how stupid he was. Had Billy stayed faithful all the time? Or was he lying?  
  
Billy was cautiously stroking his short hair while he caressed his cheekbone with his thumb. His touch was still so tender and loving as it had always been.  
  
"I love you..." Jesse cried while he rested his forehead on Billy's firm chest. He could feel his heart pounding. It was beating faster than usually. He must be scared. Just as scared as Jesse was.  
  
Jesse closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Billy. He winced when his knuckles brushed against his thigh. Listening to Billy's heartbeat was so relaxing. "It'll be okay..." Billy whispered as he cupped Jesse cheek. Jesse couldn't help but curl his lips upwards when he heard Billy say the exact same words he had said only minutes earlier. It didn't last long before he fell asleep in Billy's arms.  
  
The End ####### 


End file.
